Resolutions schmezolutions

I normally love watching commercials, but I have no patience for the commercials between Christmas and New Years. It’s the worst time of year for commercials that shamelessly prey on people’s insecurities and try to sell a quick fix. And no, I’m not just bitter because an ASPCA commercial left me a helpless sobbing blob on the couch for 5 minutes. For those of us that actually live a lifestyle that others resolve to have every year (i.e. fit, normal bodyweight, non-smoker, making generally good nutritional choices), we know that none of these quick-fix patches, pills, boxed meals, or subscriptions will fix the real problem: bad habits, and the mind that perpetuates them. As a trainer, I spent 5 years dedicating myself to trying to teach this, and to someone who is not ready, it simply cannot be taught.

There are 3 things I hate about this commercial: 1) the assumption that healthy food can’t taste good, 2) the assumption that you can lose weight without changing a palette accustomed to overly sweet foods, 3) fitness professionals are here to punish you with exercise and shame you for your nutrition decisions.

Oh yeah, and 4) it's FEWER calories. 

I like this one, because it actually suggests that it will address the psychological and behavioral problems that are at the root of your problem. And because it gets that song stuck in my head. 

Most of the New Year’s resolution stuff I have covered: I exercise regularly, am a healthy weight, I get 7-8 hours of sleep a night, and I eat well at least 40% of the time (and when I don’t, I don’t really give a rip because I exercise regularly, so I’m a healthy weight, so back off bitch, I’m starving!). There are times when I’ve really cleaned up my diet and felt great, but after awhile it becomes unsustainable. Sure, it feels great to not need caffeine and have the same alertness without a cup of coffee as I used to have with a cup of coffee. But just as delicious as that feeling of vibrant health, is the delicious feeling of finally satisfying a jones for coffee or a hankering for a piece of cake smothered in frosting. Sometimes a little addiction is nice. Most of the time, I just don’t give enough of a fuck to try to make myself better. I’m 85% okay with the way that I am, and that’s good enough for me. 

I do love a challenge. Every 6 months or so, I decide to do something like go vegan for 21 days, switch to decaf for 2 weeks, or see what happens if I run 30K a day every weekday for 6 weeks. Usually, the positive changes from those challenges carry me through for a little while before I wind up eating a container of Betty Crocker frosting on crackers again (true story).

I was 100% sober in this picture.

After reading two natural food athlete books in a row, I was having that fantasy again; the one where I’m running faster than ever and all distances are effortless, burping up kale as I go. The only time I have ever experienced this feeling is when listening to a book in my car while I sit comfortably on my ass and watch the sidewalk fly by at 45mph. As soon as I put my running shoes back on, I’m back to my actual gait of a depressed water buffalo. Maybe the difference is not that it is easier to listen to someone else recount their experience than to do it yourself; maybe the difference is that I eat too much frosting! Surely, if I replace the frosting in my diet with Kale and spirulina, then I will get that weightless feeling that I get in the car. Yeah! That’s it!

In past years I have gone vegan for the first 3 weeks of the new year, but just because you don’t eat dairy or eggs for 21 days, doesn’t mean that you eat any less processed crap or sugar. And even if you buy into the “Dairy is Dangerous” argument (which I do only half the time): are plain yogurt and free range eggs really more poisonous than a giant wad of processed soy? And is 3 weeks really enough time to make any appreciable change to your body, habits or athletic performance? Could you go from couch to 5K, or 10K to marathon in 3 weeks? Could you lose 20lb or get off diabetes medication in 21 days? 

On the other hand, I am not interested in changing my habits and living a monastic frosting-free existence forever. You wouldn’t train for a marathon indefinitely; if you try to extend your intensity beyond its limits, you will eventually plateau and get burnt out or hurt. I’m just curious to see if a clean diet really can bring you from charging elephant to fleet-footed gazelle… until it’s Cookie Monster season again.