Where the hell did THAT come from?!?!

I really, really need your guys' input.

I've been really dissatisfied with my coach. I have many grievances, but these are the big ones:

1. He is training me to be slow. I understand that a triathlon is a swimbikerun (as Rocketpants put it), not a swim, and a bike, and a run. But this guy wants me to do the swim and the bike so slow that I would have to have the run of my life to significantly beat my time from last year. The swim "Ironman pace" he has chosen for me is so slow that I have to interrupt my stroke to go slow enough to make it.
   
2. I feel like he's not listening to me. This ties into point 1, but it also has to do with conversations we've had where I've said, "In the past I've seen improvement by doing XYZ, not ABC." And he says there will be more XYZ in my program, but when I check my schedule, it's all ABC. He says one thing is tiring me out, and that's why I had a bad next workout; but all I keep thinking is a 45-minute swim/2-hour easy bike has never tired me out before. I didn't feel tired.
   
3. I am so very bored! I knew that I liked being my own guinea pig, but I never thought that training would be so bland without it. I find myself dreading most of my workouts now that I can see them coming from a mile away. I hate training these days. The only workouts that have been fun are the ones I wasn't supposed to do.
   
4. I just can't afford it. I thought I could when I hired him, but something seems to come up every month. The cat gets tapeworm, the car needs an oil change, I need a new cassette... I just don't seem to have the financial flexibility to pay for it on my unemployment checks.
5. I've felt like I'm getting weaker. I haven't felt so aerobically out of shape since I quit drinking and smoking. It's hard to pinpoint, especially since he won't let me use bike speed as evidence of lost fitness, but I can feel when I'm having a bad day. I've been having a lot of bad days since I hired him.
   

So I was all ready to fire the guy. About a week ago I started looking at my training plan as more of a suggestion and throwing half my workouts out the window. I stopped following his pacing suggestions, and started going faster. I rode a hard, hilly century on a day when I was supposed to do an easy 3 hour ride. I replaced two rides with runs. Then, I moved this week's key workout up to when it fit better in my schedule. So rather than taking an easy day followed by a rest day leading up to this workout, I just plunked it the day after a tough trail run (and two days after a relatively intense brick). The workout was a 90 minute easy ride followed by a 10K running time trial.

I ran a fucking 41:58 for a 10K! This isn't just fast for me, we're talking is my Garmin broken? fast. I almost shit myself a month ago when I ran a 48.5-minute 10K. So where the hell did those extra SIX MINUTES come from? (I uploaded the data, and it seems sound).

Last month's 10K: about 65º and sunny
This month's 10K: about 60º and cloudy/windy

Last month's 10K: on a flat to rolling course following a day off
This month's 10K: on the track as part of a brick, following a 90-minute ride

Mile 1: 7:24; 6:42
Mile 1.5: feel like I'm going to shit myself; feel alright
Mile 2: 7:37; 6:13
Mile 2.5: get a stabbing pain in my right kidney; get a stabbing pain in my left kidney
Mile 3: 7:53; 6:34
Mile 3.5: hit the wall and consider ditching the workout; slow down a bit as a preventative measure, poop feeling goes away
Mile 4: 8:00; 6:59
Mile 4.5: start playing mental games; begin to feel like my legs are drained and wonder how long I can keep it up
Mile 5: 8:08; 7:04
Mile 5.5: just aim to get through it; start feeling a bit nauseous but figure I have less than a mile to go
Mile 6: 8:02; 6:50
Mile 6.2: finish in 48:35, av. 7:50; feel like I'm going to throw up; finish in 41:58, av. 6:46; am convinced I am going to throw up. Somehow I don't

There are some things that might have contributed:

• I take these pills called Optygen. They're fucking gold, I tell you. I kind of felt that they made me stronger, but I'd never been off them for more than a few days at a time until two months ago, when I ran out and couldn't replace them. This could have something to do with why I felt so weak, and why I feel stronger now that I'm back on them. (They're legal, by the way, and recently coronated as "the official supplement of Ironman"). However, I was still on them when I did the last 10K time trial in 48:35.
• My nutrition has kind of sucked lately, and I've only been back on the ice-cream-free wagon for a week or two. But I've eaten well in the past and never run a sub-seven minute mile, let alone 6.2 of them.
• Is it the coach and the low volume, or is it that I've finally ignored his advice and gone with my own instinct that I'm better slightly tired than I am fresh? I'm sure that the answer lies somewhere in the middle.
• Could it be that my Garmin really was shitting itself? I mean, I was running on a track, and it seemed pretty consistent with the distance per lap... but there also were train tracks next to the field that could have fucked with the satelite signal...
• After about 2 months of running in 90-degree temperatures and stifling humidity, it's finally cool again. Finally I can cut loose again.
• I only started running again about 6 weeks ago, and before that I'd done significantly different training than my usual triathlon training program. Meaning that my 10K last month was on almost no run training in over 6 months. Maybe this time was already coming? Has cycling put me in better aerobic shape, which is only translating to better running times now that I've got about 6 weeks of running in my legs again?
  

So the question is: Is my coach holding me back, or is he a miracle worker??? What do you guys think?

Update: I really appreciate all your input, and it's interesting to hear everyone's take. I have some responses to the comments I've gotten so far.

BANDOBRAS: That's an excellent point. So you think that the fact that I didn't feel good till I chucked his plan in the trash is telling me something? (serous question)

TRIHARDIST: Boo! That's an EXPENSIVE gamble... But I'm coming around to the idea.

GRETCHEN: I was running so hard I had no idea WHERE I was.
To clear up everyone's comments, I WAS following the plan religiously for the first 5 weeks and feeling pretty miserable. Then I decided that he was full of shit and started ignoring it. That was a little over a week ago. After about 9 days of doing my own thing, THEN I blew my own times out of the water.

JUDI: I've only been working with the guy for 6 weeks, and only following what he said for five. I don't think ANYONE can give you that kind of fitness improvement in so little time (legally), they can only tweak something to bring out what was already ready to happen inside. But I'll take my own words into account in my decision. He has been telling me that I've never been rested enough to know what I'm really capable of. However, an ironman ends with a marathon, not a 10K. Less than 3 months out, the longest run I've been assigned so far is 1 hour.

BOBBY: Where did you get the idea that it was a run-intensive program? He has me doing about 60% of my training on the bike (I believe that the bike is not where the problem lies). If I were to follow his plans to the letter, I'd be running less the 15 mi/wk. The biggest change I've made since deciding to ignore him is swapping out bike rides for runs, adding about 50% more running. The run-intensive thing is all Claire and all in the last week.

HELP!!!

Oh god, oh god, oh god! My ironman (Vineman) is in less than a week! Oh god! I want to quit!

I got an e-mail last night about special needs bags. Special needs bags, to me, like some of the hazy, mysterious details of sex are to a virgin. I know that they exist. I know that everyone does it, and someday I will too, and then I will understand that it's not that big a deal. But right now special needs bags kind of scare the living crap out of me. What if I don't do it right? What if how I pack my special needs bag gives me away as a virgin?! Will it hurt?!

What the hell should I put in my special needs bag?! For me, "special needs" means things like inhalers, insulin, sign language interpreters, and pacemaker bracelets. Since I don't have asthma, diabetes, a hearing impairment (arguably), or a pacemaker, I have no idea what to put in my special needs bag. I know you're supposed to put things like spare tubes and real (un-pocketable) food. But what?! I can only imagine that eating an almond butter sandwich will slow me down on the bike. And am I supposed to STOP to collect my bag? I don't want to stop. I've seen footage of people handing Tour riders some sort of drawstring deal, but I imagine weeding through something like that on the bike really slowing me down. What do I do with the bag when I'm done? Throw it at the side of the road?! Keep it with me?!

Then they say that we can have special needs bags on the run! It's a loop course, so they say we can leave it in T2 or carry it out onto the course with us and drop it somewhere to come back to it later. What special needs might I have on the run?! Should I take advantage of this?! If I do, should I drop the bag or leave it in T2? Oh no! Now I'm actually physically shaking.

And while we're at it, I have some more details I'm having an anxiety attack over:

I've never done a transition from a bag before. This does NOT appeal to my inherent disorganization. Any suggestions?!


T1 and T2 are in different places. Will I be able to get to my bike in the morning before the start?! How am I going to know where my bike is in transition?

I've heard stories of volunteers that help you in transition. Do they go get your bike for you? Do they rack it when I'm done?! Are they handing me shit out of my bag, or do they just give me the bag and let me go? I've seen pictures of lawn chairs in transition in Mdot races, am I going to have one of those?! I realize that this isn't an Mdot race, so some things may be different. What's different?!

How the hell am I going to run a MARATHON at the end of all that?!

It is not unheard of for triathletes to drop dead in the middle of a swim. They always say they "don't know what caused Peggy Sue/Billy Bob to stop swimming and float face down to the nearest kayak", but I know the truth: SHARKS! Yes, that's right, what they are not telling you is that each and every one of those triathletes was eaten by sharks. And the ones that drowned in fresh water? Sharks again. I know it is not likely for me to be eaten by a shark some 10 miles from the coast, but IT COULD HAPPEN! Strange things happen every day! If there are river porpoises, then there can be fresh water sharks. And you know what else? People die while running every day. They always say, "Peggy Sue/Billy Bob had a preexisting, undiagnosed heart condition, which caused him/her to collapse at mile 15 of the run..." Well I know the truth! LAND SHARKS! You've seen all those challenged athletes missing limbs in all the ironman feel good human interest stories. You know what REALLY happened to them? LAND SHARKS! What happens if I get attacked by a land shark? Will anyone save me?!

Saturday Night Live - Season 1 - Land Shark | Movies & TV | SPIKE.com

What am I not thinking to ask?!

Is it too late to drop out?!