A call for money, creativity, and suggestions: Run me into the ground, please!

Six months have gone by since I moved to California, sobered up, and pulled my life together. I finally feel like the ground is solid under my feet again, but my head is swimming. Now that I'm here, what do I do now? I have set myself a few goals for the first half of 2011:

1. No big performance goals. I'm out of shape, and any performance goals are sure to end in frustration. I'm only allowed to do what looks like fun, and I'm not allowed to care about how I do in these events. I'm just here to collect stories, t-shirts, and fitness.
   
2. In direct contrast to goal number 1, I have some long-distance cycling goals to complete before July 1, 2011. I want to get the best female cumulative time in the California Triple Crown stage race -- three double centuries spread over spring and early summer. I also wanted to break the female course record at the Davis 12 hour Challenge, but as I wrote this I found out that it won't be held this year. Damn.
3. I will also be riding the AIDS LifeCycle again this year. This is my most ambitious goal, not because of the 545-mile week, but because I have set the goal of raising $7000 for the San Francisco AIDS Foundation. In 2008 it was all about the bike. In 2011, it's all about the cause. There are more than 44,000 people in the Bay Area alone living with HIV (based on 2007 statistics), many of whom use the SF AIDS Foundation's help to get the medication, counseling, and social services that they need to continue to live healthy lives.
   

While goals 2 and 3 may seem challenging, let's be honest. I can ride faster over longer distances than most if not all girls I've ever met at such events. (Not that there aren't faster girls out there, but they're not into ultracycling). Given a decent state of fitness (which I plan to achieve by "having fun" over the next few months) I will probably have enough fitness and cockiness to keep me in the running at the Triple Crown. And it isn't the 545 miles over 7 days of the AIDS LifeCycle that will be the challenge, it will be reaching my $7K fundraising goal.

I don't know about you, but I need more than that to keep me fired up. I need something to do every day that will peel me out of bed and keep me motivated to be consistent. With my eternally morphing goals, consistency is my downfall. Last week I wanted to be a triathlete, but the week before that I was a cyclist, and the week before that I was pretty sure that I wanted to be an ultrarunner. A month ago I was thinking about lofty road running goals. Or finally digging out that Tour de France ass and six pack and making a body like a fitness model. Or maybe it was finally time to get off my ass and try Crossfit...

You see what I mean.

Goal no. 1 is about not taking the joy out of training, but I do need some kind of goals to keep training. Otherwise I'll have another week like this past week where the only training I did was my Spinning classes, and I took comatose naps for 2-3 hours every morning because I couldn't think of a good reason to move a muscle.

I think a streaking goal would be fun, but it needs to involve more lunacy and creativity than a "no zeros" campaign on my training log. I'd also like to somehow tie it in to my fund raising for a good cause to get other people involved in the cause as well as my progress (à la Eddie Izzard's marathons around the UK). Ideally, it will tie into a glut of entertaining blogs again, as with the race-a-week year in 2008 and the chronicle of my crawl back to sobriety a few months ago. I would like to do something truly extraordinary, but with my work schedule, it will have to be the everyman kind of extraordinary.

Another thing that has been gnawing away at me is that the sparkling gay men with their perfect hair cuts and perfect bodies under their spotless and impeckable clothes are not the only group that benefits from the SFAF's assistance. As unpleasant as it is to see, smell, hear, interact with, think about, and be a victim of the junkies that troll the urban piss bogs of San Francisco, they remind me every day of where addiction can take you if you're not lucky. In the neighborhood where I work, I see them every day. Some of them are addicts, some have gone beyond addiction and have just fried their brains past the point of recognition, and many of them aren't even addicts but a drug tripped a switch they didn't even know they had. You do really, really stupid shit when you need your fix: selling your ass on the street, sharing needles, who knows what other unsavory activities. You don't give a shit, even if it means getting sick. Then, if one day you start to give a shit again, you could still be sick. For the people who are crawling back up from nothing, free health services could give you your life back. I was lucky that when I cleaned up, I still had my health. Somehow I stumbled on the mindframe and hobbies that allowed me to come out the better for my addiction, and with my body still intact. I feel like I owe it to the world to use my body to do something extra for the unlucky. Just one week of riding almost seems like a cop-out.

Here are some ideas for how I can roll my fund raising goals, my sanity, and my hankering to get back into the blogosphere into one. I want to do something inspiring, but right now my mind just isn't coming up with anything creative. I welcome ideas, suggestions, and heckling. I also welcome suggestions for how I can get more people involved in the challenge.

1. Since my goal is to raise $7000, then I could shoot to swim 70 miles, bike 7000 miles, and run 700 miles before the beginning of the ride on June 5 (that's an average of 6800 yd, 411 biking miles--yikes! that may have to be ammended--, and 41 running miles per week).
   
2. Or perhaps more realistically, complete the distance of 7 Ironmans over the next 17 weeks. Folks could pledge a small sum for every ironman I finish, or place bets on whether I finish at all. Or I could just accumulate an Ironman a week for the next 17 weeks...
   
3. A reader-submitted workout challenge where each week people have to submit their most greuling swim, bike, run, and weightlifting workouts and I blog about completing them. The submitter also suggests "value" of the workout, and people can vote on how great they think the workout is by pledging a certain sum for the completion of each. (Get creative here: treadmill marathons, Crossfit torture, the worst hill repeat workout you can think of...) This could also serve as a bank to spice up your own routines with other people's favorite workouts.
4. Run the distance of the AIDS Lifecycle (545 miles) before the event begins (32 miles/wk... on top of bike training). Ask for pledges for every marathon completed. Demand a good story from each one (if I get toward the end of a 26.2 mile stretch without any good stories, then I'll have to run around downtown SF in a giant penis hat... no, wait, that wouldn't get me much attention around here...)
   
5. Burn at least 545 calories every day by some means or another. Hey, it's not creative, it's not challenging, but at least it's consistent.
6. Swim the English Channel, bike across America, run the length of California.
7. Lift 1 million pounds per week. This one could be fun. It would get me into the weight room and doing some Olympic style lifting. I have no idea how the breakdown would go, but it would be a complete change of pace and I'm sure it would change my body composition and give my updates a whole new flavor. People could pledge for every million pounds lifted.
   
8. People could just pledge a certain amount of money per mile run, biked, or swum (think a penny per mile run, a penny per 10 miles biked, and a nickel per mile swum), and cap it off themselves at whatever they are willing to pay as a maximum pledge. Then I have to swim, bike, and run as far as I can in the next 5 months.

I don't know guys, help me out here. I want to make it fun for people to support the foundation, and I want to make sure that the event is enough of a challenge. HELP!

2008: The Cliff Notes

Life has been pretty crazy in my kingdom as of late, so I've been sitting on this post for over a week. First of all, Happy New Year to everyone. I hope it was happy and safe and you got to spend it with cool people.

Since I can't seem to think of anything new to say, of late, I've decided to ring in the new year on my blog by reviewing the one that has gone by. My total mileage was as follows:

148 runs, 1,158.7 miles, 7 days, 16 hours, 07 min, 11 sec
92 bikes and 49 spins, 13 days, 13 hours, 12 min, 28 sec, for a grand total of 4,430.6 mi (not counting miles done in spin class or on the trainer)
133 swims, 344,812 yd (195.9 mi), in 4 days, 23 hours, 25 minutes, and 18 seconds
423 workouts, 28 days, 14 hours, 4 minutes, and 56 seconds, 5,789.2 Mi


I made the podium in my age group or division a total of 11 times, although in some cases this distinction is pretty dubious due to the lack of competition.

1. Run and Dunk – Jan 1 – 5.87 mi, 51:25
a 10K-ish run followed by a jump in the ocean. Not as cold as you would think.

2. Frostbite 15K – Jan 20 – 9.29 mi, 1:20:53
lived up to its name. I had a pretty good day despite the cold.

3. Mid-Winter Classic – Feb 3 – 10 mi, 1:39:59
a 10-mile run in Maine that I ran with the flu so that I wouldn't miss the chance to meet Mindy, Nitsirk, and Iron Matron.

4. Half at the Hamptons – Feb 10 – 13.25 mi, 2:02:50
This race sucked. I still had the flu, it rained and snowed, and some guy died right in front of me. Not a terribly positive experience.

5. Martha's Vineyard 20 miler – Feb 16 – 20 miles, 3:31:00
Still sick, and not the easiest race I've ever run, but at least I got to talk to a pretty girl!

6. High Anus Half – Feb 24 – 13.3, 1:58:29
I saw Mindy again and PRed, breaking 2 hours in a half marathon for the first time.

7. Stu's 30K – March 2 – 18.75 miles, 3:02:34
This was possibly the hardest running race I have ever run. Harder, maybe, than some marathons I've run. This was my first rematch with Grandpa. I made him cry, I'm sure.

8. Trout Creek 15K – March 11 – 1:20:54
Angry and I took some vacation time and fled to Florida for a weekend where I ran a 15K "trail" race. I won my age group!!! Okay, there was only one other chick IN my age group, but I beat her!

9. Eastern States – March 30 – 20 miles, 3:13:27
I met up with Mindy and Maine Runner for a nice run through 3 states. I was so over running these races at this point, but I finished the 20 miles in one piece (far behind Rick and Dick Hoyt, I'd like to add). I had a nasty sunburn after that one, though.

10. Michael Dunleavy 5K – April 16 – 5K, 28:13
This one was just a fun 5K with my friends. We beat the Bitchy Bathroom Lady, though, so that's all that's important.

11. Boston Marathon – April 21 – 26.5 miles, 4:13:49
I ran the Boston Marathon as a bandit, thus beginning my quest to actually qualify for the race. See this post and my post about the Eastern States to follow the argument of who should be allowed to run Boston.

12. Sheriff's Sprint Triathlon – May 4 – 300 yds, 4:48/9 mi, 27:24 (inc. T1)/3.2 mi, 26:25
I won my age group and made a new nemesis. Remember this one, guys? I thought that my blog had been pulled down by a certain someone after I wrote this post.

13. Hairy Man Triathlon – May 17 – 1.2 mi (long), 40:10/56 mi, 3:27:04/13 mi, 2:04:45
The most challenging triathlon I've ever done, swimming in freezing cold water, riding a bike course with 6,000' elevation gain/loss, and running a half marathon up and down a mountain. I won my age group and got 4th (female) overall, but only 11 women even finished. Read this post to see my views on Ironman Tri-Geeks.

14. Pineland Farms 50K – May 25 – 31 miles, 6:03:30
My first ultramarathon. All in all it was an extremely positive experience. Can you believe 31 miles hurts less than 26? This is where I met Damon, my now running guru, although I wasn't very fair to him in the race report.

15. AIDS LifeCycle (posts 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, and 7, I never did write up the last day) – June 1-7 – 545 miles, 7 days
This was far and away the most fun I have ever had at an event. I would do it again in a heartbeat, and I think that all the riding I did played a huge part in the success I had on the bike later in the season.

16. Charles River Swim – June 15 – 1 mile, 28:50
I did this race just to say that I'd done it. It was pouring rain and everyone fled as soon as they got out of the river. Imagine my surprise when I got an envelope in the mail a few weeks later with a gold medal for WINNING the wetsuit division!

17. Cranmore Hill Climb – June 30 – 6.5 miles, 1:34:29, 2889' elevation gain/loss
This race was interesting, if nothing else. We started running up the mountain in a thunderstorm, and the whole hillside had turned to mud. I ran the whole second half of the race holding my pants up because they were so waterlogged they were falling off.

18. Patriot Half Ironman -- July 5 -- 1.2 mi, 32:43/58 mi, 2:45:57/13.1 mi, 1:59:41
I feel like this was my high point of the season. I had a really good race (although I didn't think so at the time, I've eventually accepted my run time for that race). Best of all, I beat Cunt on a Pink Bike by like 5 minutes! Oh yeah, and I won my age group.

19. Loon Mountain Run -- July 6 -- 5.15 mi, 1:25:38 >3,000' climbing
I did this race the day after Patriot and I was WRECKED! Parts of these hills were so steep, my GPS registered me as standing still. My most vivid memory of that day was that I couldn't move fast enough to get away from the flies.

20. Saratoga 12/24 -- July 12 -- 199.6 mi, 12 hours
If Patriot can't be my high point, I feel like this day was my high point. I had never gone farther than 115 miles on the bike, and I went nearly 200 that day, breaking the course record by over 10 miles, despite really bad conditions: 100* heat and incredibly high ozone. I thought I was going to puke all day long and my feet were KILLING me. But I was so proud of that garish trophy!

21. Vineman Full Ironman -- August 2 -- 2.4 mi, 1:03:27/112 mi, 5:57:55/26.2 mi, 5:17:08
I know that this should have been the high point of my season, but it wasn't. It made me sick for weeks to even look at anything that had to do with the race. I had a fine day physically, pulling out 4th in my AG and 9th overall, but I was just so angry that I had had a bad race mentally. Everything seemed to be stacked against me, and even though it all turned out okay in the end, it really ruined my first ironman experience for me.

22. Savoy 20 miler -- August 18 -- DNF, 10+ mi loop finished.
After Vineman, I just couldn't seem to get it together. This race was hell in the mud: badly marked and extremely technical. I gave up after the first 10 mile loop and was furious with myself. I gave up for all the right reasons: I simply wasn't having fun, but I still felt like poop.

23. Green Lakes 50K -- August 25 -- 31 miles, 6:01:03
I signed up for this race because I was furious about the last one. I drove all night to Syracuse, and ran the race expecting nothing but to finish. Imagine my surprise when I got second in my age group! Thank god for small age groups. The race bolstered my confidence again, and kicked me out of my horrible slump.

24. Malden Irish-American Club 10K -- September 1 -- 10K, 50:37
And imagine my surprise AGAIN when I placed third in my age group at this little 10K, despite taking it out WAY too fast and blowing to bits by mile 3.

25. Lobsterman Triathlon -- 1.5K, 19:32 (current?)/40K, 1:09:23/10K, 54:54
I'd been building up to this race all summer. It was a wicked competitive field, but the only competition that mattered was Big Red. I had a good swim, a great bike (except for the last 5 miles or so when this dipshit wouldn't let me by), and a HORRIBLE run. I don't know if I have EVER hurt that bad running. Ever.

26. Hartford Marathon -- October 11 -- 26.5 mi, 3:58:56
I had no idea what to expect from this marathon. I hadn't even run in like 2 or 3 weeks. I started out really strong and was doing great until suddenly I just wasn't. My quads locked up (they'd been stiff since I stopped running) and it was all downhill from there. (Actually, it was all rolling hills from there, but what does that matter).

27. Busa Bushwhack -- November 2 -- 8.7-ish miles, 1:19:46
I finally got a rematch with Grandpa on the turf where our rivalry began. I kicked his ass. In fact, I think I made 3rd in my age group. This was a really great race for me. My running was starting to come together.

28. Salem Wild Turkey 5 Miler -- November 25 -- 5.05 mi, 38:02
My running finally came together. I took one and a half minutes per mile off my pace from last year. Too bad my sprint finish with that tomato-faced bitch didn't turn out the way I wanted, or the race would have been perfect.

29. Fells Trail Race -- November 29 -- 26.54 mi, 6:01:34
This race, astoundingly, was great. It was lonely and cold, but it was an incredibly challenging course and boredom was the only reason I didn't finish the full 32 miles. Much to my surprise, I was the first woman in of the people who did 24 miles. And I did an extra 2.5 miles, just to round out a full marathon: my sixth one of 2008.

30. Santa Speedo Run -- December 13 -- 1.5 mi in my underwear.
And finally, my friends and readers came through so that I could run a mile and a quarter around downtown Boston in my underwear to help raise money for poor kids. This might have been the most fun I had all year. At least it was the only race where I was screaming my head off and smiling every second of it.

Thanks for following me through such an eventful year. Let's hope that next year is just as fun, although I may be going down different paths. I'm going to sneak my big New Year's Resolutions down here where few have bothered to follow me. However, stating them out loud will give me some accountability:
1) Qualify for Boston, Kona, and RAAM in one year. (Boston and Kona are reaches, I believe that RAAM is not).
2) Break the World 24-hour outdoor cycling record by riding 440 or more miles in 24 hours. This will be a real challenge. Please don't make fun of me if I don't make it.

Happy New Year, everyone!