This picture was supposed to say, "hey, where the hell did this thing come from?!" I kind of look like the movie poster for The Crow instead though.
Picture actually taken with my feet sticking straight up in the air. I guess these zebra stripes are supposed to make me swim faster?But having a wetsuit presents a whole host of problems for my standard race plan. Since I've never had a wetsuit, I've always just done any race of any distance in the same ugly old trisuit. Now that I have many more fashionable options, I have no idea what my race plan should be. So I've decided to do something that I never do: ask for advice. I'm going to put my race plan up for the Hairy Man Half Ironman this weekend and leave it open for your advice and comments. Well, it's not really a race plan, but a list of anxieties. Perhaps I'll even be humble enough to take your advice rather than just smiling, thanking you, and ignoring every word that you say.
The Swim
Since a large percentage of my races this year will be in fresh water I went for the thinnest sleeveless wetsuit I could find. Now, with the weather being as cold as it's been, the water temperatures will probably be in the high 50's. That's fucking cold! I've swum in colder, but not recently. I'll definitely double up on caps, but what about my poor naked arms?! I'm wondering if the warmth benefits of a rash guard will offset the increased drag. I know, I know, suck it up.
Next, I've never put much thought into where I start on the swim. I usually look for the clump of people who look like they'll kick the least violently and line up with them. I've never really done anything strategic to have a good swim before (other than hitting harder than my neighbor), but it seems advantageous in such cold water to get out as quickly as possible. Any suggestions on where to line up in the swim?
Next, I've never put much thought into where I start on the swim. I usually look for the clump of people who look like they'll kick the least violently and line up with them. I've never really done anything strategic to have a good swim before (other than hitting harder than my neighbor), but it seems advantageous in such cold water to get out as quickly as possible. Any suggestions on where to line up in the swim?
T1
Here we come to my biggest fear about wetsuits: taking them off. The one time I ever wore a wetsuit, I discovered that it had turned into a giant suction cup once it got wet. It felt like it took me 5 minutes to get it off. This is not a discovery you want to make in a race. For about a year I have owned a pristine, new, unused tube of bodyglide. I have heard such things help with wetsuits. Where should I put the thickest layers of bodyglide to get the suit off? Should I put it on the suit as well as on the Claire? Any other tips?
And then comes the ubiquitous question: What am I going to wear?! I was thinking of just wearing my shorts and a sports bra under the wetsuit, then don the shirt later. Do people do this? Is that too naked? Should I invest in a pair of tri shorts now, or should I just wear a pair of bike shorts? (Tri shorts are another thing you don't need when you have a 1-piece trisuit). Should I ride in a running shirt, or run in a cyclist's jersey? I'm more inclined to wear a running shirt, since it would look sexier in the pictures. Sure, bike jerseys have pockets, but I would have to empty them anyway before I set out on the run. Should I wear a long-sleeved cyclist's jacket over a running shirt? If it rains (which they're predicting) should I change into a dry shirt every time I hit transition?
There's no use in using aero bars on this course, since there are 1,500 feet of elevation gain in each of the four laps. Thus, no chance for a drink bottle on the front of my bike. So do I risk dehydration by using hard-to-reach bottles on a technical course, or do I certainly look like a tool by using my camelbak but stay hydrated enough to pee on my bike? If I choose to use bottles, then there's the whole anxiety of learning how to grab a bottle from a volunteer. That makes me so nervous that I want to throw up. If I choose to use the geeky hydration pack, should I skip the bottles entirely (usually I have one of plain water that I practically never touch)? If I do bring one bottle, which cage do I keep it in?!
Should I waste time on gloves?
And as far as race tactics, any suggestions for how I should attack this bike portion? Go out hard and lay off? Go hard in the middle? Take it easy? Cheat and say I've done 4 laps when I've really only done three?
And then comes the ubiquitous question: What am I going to wear?! I was thinking of just wearing my shorts and a sports bra under the wetsuit, then don the shirt later. Do people do this? Is that too naked? Should I invest in a pair of tri shorts now, or should I just wear a pair of bike shorts? (Tri shorts are another thing you don't need when you have a 1-piece trisuit). Should I ride in a running shirt, or run in a cyclist's jersey? I'm more inclined to wear a running shirt, since it would look sexier in the pictures. Sure, bike jerseys have pockets, but I would have to empty them anyway before I set out on the run. Should I wear a long-sleeved cyclist's jacket over a running shirt? If it rains (which they're predicting) should I change into a dry shirt every time I hit transition?
The bike
There's no use in using aero bars on this course, since there are 1,500 feet of elevation gain in each of the four laps. Thus, no chance for a drink bottle on the front of my bike. So do I risk dehydration by using hard-to-reach bottles on a technical course, or do I certainly look like a tool by using my camelbak but stay hydrated enough to pee on my bike? If I choose to use bottles, then there's the whole anxiety of learning how to grab a bottle from a volunteer. That makes me so nervous that I want to throw up. If I choose to use the geeky hydration pack, should I skip the bottles entirely (usually I have one of plain water that I practically never touch)? If I do bring one bottle, which cage do I keep it in?!Should I waste time on gloves?
And as far as race tactics, any suggestions for how I should attack this bike portion? Go out hard and lay off? Go hard in the middle? Take it easy? Cheat and say I've done 4 laps when I've really only done three?
T2
Oh my god, this is my biggest fear of all... HOW DO I GET OFF THE FUCKING BIKE?! I've been practicing swinging my foot over the back of the bike, and it looks shaky, but I can kind of do that... but when I tried to actually get off the bike like that on Sunday, I almost smeared myself along the sidewalk. I just had time to call out to Mary, "I'm gonna DIIIIEEE!" before I executed THE most embarrassing dismount ever done in front of a crowd of triathletes. But then again, if I DO manage to do the shoeless dismount, I'll be the coolest kid ever and be able to pick up chicks for life.
The run
I'm going to run with a bottle like I always do, but should I carry anything else? Hat? '80s style headband?
Any suggestions for run tactics? Attack the downhills? Attack the uphills? Attack the last 2 miles? Attack other runners... with weapons? Go hard in the middle and hold on for the end? Cheat and turn around before the turnaround point?
As you can tell, I'm getting a bit nervous about the race. I'm not really worried about finishing, but I would like to have a really well-executed race so that I can come back here and rub Chrissie's face in it later...
Why couldn't I just live somewhere warm where you don't NEED wetsuits?!
Later: To explain why I won't be wearing my trisuit: it's ugly and it's a one piece. I discovered the hard way that this is not ideal for longer races to wear a garment that goes from shoulders to knees since it pretty much excludes any more conventional ways of going to the bathroom. I'm not against going weewee on the bike, but sometimes it's just... hard to relax if you know what I mean. A lot of time can be lost in porta-johns wrestling a built-in bra over one's hips. Plus, on a cool day the idea of having a dry shirt to put on in transition sounds really wise.
Cheap on ebay does NOT equal sexy.
I'm going to run with a bottle like I always do, but should I carry anything else? Hat? '80s style headband?Any suggestions for run tactics? Attack the downhills? Attack the uphills? Attack the last 2 miles? Attack other runners... with weapons? Go hard in the middle and hold on for the end? Cheat and turn around before the turnaround point?
As you can tell, I'm getting a bit nervous about the race. I'm not really worried about finishing, but I would like to have a really well-executed race so that I can come back here and rub Chrissie's face in it later...
Why couldn't I just live somewhere warm where you don't NEED wetsuits?!
Later: To explain why I won't be wearing my trisuit: it's ugly and it's a one piece. I discovered the hard way that this is not ideal for longer races to wear a garment that goes from shoulders to knees since it pretty much excludes any more conventional ways of going to the bathroom. I'm not against going weewee on the bike, but sometimes it's just... hard to relax if you know what I mean. A lot of time can be lost in porta-johns wrestling a built-in bra over one's hips. Plus, on a cool day the idea of having a dry shirt to put on in transition sounds really wise.
Cheap on ebay does NOT equal sexy.