Lent

Today is Ash Wednesday. I thought I should remind you because, if you're like me, you forget every year and inevitably tell someone they've got something on their face. It happens to me every single year, I see all these old ladies with smudges on their foreheads, and eventually I always run into someone I know and try to do them a favor (as I hope they would do for me) by telling them "you've got a..." rub forehead "thing..." Then they remind me that it's Ash Wednesday and we both feel like ass holes: me for being insensitive, them for walking around all day with crap on their face.

Anyway, my point: Ash Wednesday is the beginning of Lent. Traditionally during Lent Catholics (and Episcopalians like my mom, the renegade Catholics) show their love for Jesus by suffering and giving up meat and generally being chaste and moral. I'm not Catholic, or religious, or even very spiritual in any way, but I like the idea of taking 40 days and giving up an indulgence or a vice in order to appreciate the things I take for granted, or to break a bad habit. The whole giving up meat thing is kind of redundant for a vegetarian, so every year I try to give up something else. Things that I've given up in the past: drinking (that lasted about 3 days), smoking (that lasted about 3 hours), dairy (lasted about a week), sugar (I made it through a month that year), and lent (I made it all 40 days without observing lent the year I gave it up).

This year I wanted to give up something that was having a negative impact on my life. But since I've given up smoking, drinking, and even coffee (except in great moderation), I don't really have any addicting vices anymore. I thought of giving up rest days, but that just seemed like a great way to get injured. I thought of giving up food groups, but that seemed like a great way to get my parents to stop buying my food (I know, I'm spoiled!). And then I hit on it, my greatest vice: I stay up nights just to do it, and it has me lying lifeless on the couch for hours at a time. RERUNS! I spend hours a week watching CSI and Law & Order reruns. House is also a huge time suck, but I've just seen the last missed episode (and I feel like I've just gone through a break-up). So for 40 days and 40 nights I am going to give up re-runs, which probably means all TV what with the writers' strike and all.

Luckily, the Catholics have left a caveat for me. Sundays don't count as lent (that's why Catholics are allowed to eat meat on Sundays). That means that I can watch the CSI marathons on Sunday afternoons!!! That's 5 hours of dead bodies! Stay tuned to find out what I find to fill my buckets of free time from Monday to Saturday...

Chillin' in Maine

Months and months and months ago, in November or something, Nitsirk said to me, "Hey, if you ever come up to Maine, we should run a race together." I'm sure she wasn't really serious. I'm sure she didn't really want me turning up way up there in her peaceful northern hideaway... but never being one to give up an idea once someone's put it in my head, I found the next race in Maine longer than a 5k. That race happened to be the Mid-Winter 10 Mile Classic, on February 3, which seemed impossibly far into the future at the time. When I ran to Nitsirk gushing that I'd found a race she did her best to remind me that this was a February race... in MAINE... outside. But trying to dissuade me is like trying to get gum out of a 4-year-old's hair without a pair of scissors: impossible. And I can peer pressure like none other, so after calling her a chicken, Nitsirk was in, as was Dr. Nick, Mindy, and the bonus of finding a new friend in Iron Matron. I was so excited!

And then I got sick, and nothing was very exciting anymore.

By the time that it came time to make good on my threats to Nitsirk to actually make her shed her post-iron lethargy and run 10 miles all in one day, I was less than thrilled with the idea myself. I had gotten over the most severe symptoms of the flu, but I still had a nasty, hacking cough that was hard to stop once it got started. I hadn't worked out at all in over a week, and it was anyone's guess what running would do, let alone doing so freezing temperatures. Luckily, the forecast was predicting highs in the high 30's, so I didn't have to bear a real Maine winter's day.

Our little band of bloggers arranged to meet in front of the entrance to the cafeteria, and (believe it or not) I was the first to show up! I was wearing my supersexy Bob Rocks t-shirt and feeling like a bit of a tool. (Bob won this honor by being the lucky donor who put me over the $500 mark in my AIDS LifeCycle fundraiser). I put on my best "recognize me!" face, which is much like the face I used to put on at 8th grade dances when I walk around alone, hoping that being alone would increase the chances of a boy asking me to dance (it rarely worked). I kept looking for people staring at me, but everyone was staring at me in my supersexy Bob Rocks t-shirt. Finally someone had the guts to admit she knew me and I heard over my shoulder, "You really did wear a shirt that says Bob Rocks!" It was Iron Matron who spotted me first. I tried to sputter out an introduction and tell her how excited I was to have met a fellow blogger in the area through the coughs, but I think I only succeeded in alarming the mom in her. "Are you going to be alright?!" she asked.
"Psssh, yeah, s--" cough cough "su-cough-re." Who knew if I was going to be alright. I had no idea. "It's not as bad..." cough cough, sour face "...as it looks."

Next Mindy turned up and after some chit-chatting Iron Matron went off to warm up like the champ that she is and Mindy was left alone with me. I was doing a pretty bad job of trying to swallow my coughs and not look sick, but I wanted so badly for the new kids to like me! I didn't want to look like a lame horse! While waiting for Nitsirk to show up, we shot some pictures of my fabulous Bob Rocks t-shirt and I ran off to dump our stuff in the car while Mindy tried to spot Nitsirk who was "dressed in black with an Under Armour hat." Half the women in the room matched that description.

As you can tell, I put on my sexy face for this picture.

By the time I got back, Nitsirk had surfaced with Dr. Nick and we went out to the start line. In person Dr. Nick was not very much like what I pictured. He wasn't yellow at all, and when Nitsirk introduced him he didn't even say "HI, EVERY-BO-DY!" Meeting famous people in person is so disappointing!

Dr. Nick placed himself around the front of the pack, while Mindy, Nitsirk and I pushed our way to the back. "Do you think we're back far enough yet," asked Nitsirk. "Or do you think maybe we should be standing behind that really pregnant lady?" I looked over, and sure enough, there was a really pregnant lady. I mean, not really, really pregnant, but way more pregnant than anyone else in the crowd. Just before the start some girl tapped me on the shoulder, "I love your shirt, that is so cool!" And she was serious. Suddenly I felt much better. I hope that Bobby gets some new donations out of the deal, or at very least some new readers.

Right about here is where we met up with a fourth friend. Let's call this friend... Blair. A lot of people get confused and think we are the same person, we're not. As soon as the (silent and invisible) gun went off, I took off at 5 minute mile pace and ran a perfect race. I won. Overall. Blair, however, stayed behind to keep Nitsirk and Mindy company. Unlike me, Blair is a filthy slob and has no shame. Blair just happened to have the same post-flu symptoms as me, but do not be confused, Blair is NOT me. I was running 5 minute miles, remember? I set a course record.
Blair ran along with Nitsirk and Mindy chit-chatting and trying not to cough too, too much. Blair took advantage of the experience to pick Nitsirk's brain about ironman, which both exilirated and scared the living daylights out of her. (Blair's doing an ironman too, by the way, but this is just a coincidence). Blair also picked up some tid-bits about how other people are successful in combining relationships and training. She later relayed this tip to me, "don't ever date a lazy-ass co-dependent egomaniac again."

Pretty quickly, Blair figured out that the cough was not the only lingering part of the flu. She felt like her batteries were low, like she was running through water, like her body was made of lead... any simile for shitty running - Blair felt like that. Like me, Blair always runs with a water bottle, but Mindy and Nitsirk stopped at the first aid station at mile 2.5, and once Blair started walking she burst into a fit of coughing that didn't go away even when she started running again. She took a sip of Accelerade and a cough surprised her and she sprayed it out all over the road in front of her. The coughs were so violent and racked Blair's innards so much that it was like squeezing a mustard packet and to her horror, Blair felt a drip escape. See, I told you Blair was a slob, I'm so glad I'm not her.
Blair was very happy to have Mindy and Nitsirk around to distract her, because she was unpleasantly surprised with all the rolling hills on this course. "We're going to make a left and then go up a hill," warned Mindy.
A minute or two later, Blair wheezed a sigh of relief. "Was that the hill?" she asked.
"Nice try," said Mindy. Blair tried desperately to forget that she was running and focus on the conversation. But since she was sucking air like an asthmatic fat kid in gym class she just imagined what she would say if she were able to participate in the conversation. Her lungs felt like she was breathing through a cotton swab. She coughed to try to move the blockage, but that turned into another fit of coughing and leaking. Blair was very happy she was wearing the over-sized Rob Rocks t-shirt (that looked much like, but not the same as my Bob Rocks t-shirt) that hung well below her butt and hid her crotch from view.
"You're such a trooper," said Mindy.
"Aw, it's nothing. I feel fine," choked Blair, who likes to lie and pretend she's stronger than she really is.

"Oh my gosh, we're at mile 7 already!" said Nitsirk. "I feel better now than I did when we started the race!"
"I'm hungry," said Blair, who felt about 10 times shittier than she did at the beginning of the race. It felt like she was running with a 20-pound backpack.
At the final aid station around mile 8 Mindy and Nitsirk started running again and Blair's whole body turned to stone. "You know what, you guys go ahead," said Blair and stopped to die for a few minutes. Walking set her to coughing so hard that it wouldn't have taken too much exaggeration to puke at the side of the road. She kept waiting for someone to come by and ask her if she was okay, but no one did. She was fine, by the way. Thanks for asking, JERKS! As she checked for the bajillionth time to make sure her t-shirt was hanging down low enough, she looked off to one side (as you do when adjusting anything in the crotch department) and noticed that she was walking past a graveyard. Oh great, she thought. This way when I keel over and die they'll only have to kick me off the shoulder of the road and I'll just roll the rest of the way. That way I won't inconvenience anyone.

Surprisingly, the last 2 miles went quickly. She passed a stuffed moose holding a sign that said "Free pizza one mile!" and before she knew it she was running back down the long high school driveway. As Blair was running along the cone-lined driveway she saw a volunteer topple over onto his ass. It wasn't clear if he had stepped backwards and tripped over a cone, or if the car that was stopped for him had tapped him, but he was just sitting there and people from all around were running to help him. Blair thought of stopping, but she didn't know what she was supposed to do. Plus, she just wanted this to be over, someone else would help him. Blair is a jerk, I would have stopped and made sure he was okay. Blair crossed the finish line in just under 1:40. "Go me!" said Blair as she crossed, because she was pretty proud of herself for finishing, despite feeling so shitty. She was a trooper, Mindy said so! Mindy, Nitsirk, Dr. Nick, Mr. Mindy, and I were kind enough to wait for Blair to finish, and then we all went inside to refuel (except Blair, who disappeared). Inside we met Maine Runner and another Maine blogger, who, I am so sorry but I missed his blog name.

We're all munchkins, can you see the resemblance between the photos?

Afterwards Nitsirk and Dr. Nick went off to an open house and I went home with Mindy and Mr. Mindy to grab a shower before brunch. While Mindy was showering I got to speak to Mr. Mindy, who is a surfer. In Maine. But surely, he doesn't really go surfing in Maine, right? Yes he does! Year round! I was floored. I spent most of the time Mindy was in the shower trying to get my mind around surfing in 20-degree weather on a windy day. I am officially never, ever allowed to brag about swimming without a wetsuit again.

We then had a delicious and leisurly brunch, followed by a 4-minute guided tour of Portland, and a quick drive by the beach, because I had to see it to believe it. Lo and behold, there were seven surfers out in the ocean at that very moment. In Maine. Given, it was a warm day, about 34 degrees...

My morning

Leave the house 5 minutes early to be able to buy Robitussin on the way to the train. Walk so fast that I even manage to keep the long-legged power walking couple behind me. Walking so fast sets me to coughing. Breathing sets me to coughing lately...

8:10 am: Cough cough. I walk into CVS. Cough COUGH cough. I walk to the cold and sinus aisle. COUGH cough COUGH COUGH cough. Cough. Find the daytime Robitussin head and chest congestion. COUGH cough. Cough. Walk to the checkout.

COUGH cough cough. I give a dirty look to the two checkers who are having some kind of whispered conversation with gossipy looks on their face and are NOT paying attention to me. I don’t have to cough, for now, so I jiggle the box of Robitussin to sound agitated. COUGH cough cough. Cough.
The little old man checker takes his sweet time ringing me up. Then he stops. He looks at me intently. He pauses to look closer. I cough. “Are you over 18?” He asks.
“Yes I’m over 18” I say. Cough cough. “I’m 24.” Cough.
“Can I see your driver’s license?”

Are you serious?! Is there usually a rash of Robo-tripping teens making a run on CVS at 8:15 on Thursday mornings? What is this world coming to?

I have the alive part down...

... but I'm still working on the "and well".

I haven't done a single workout since my 2.5 mile jog last Thursday, so I haven't had too much to report. Unless of course you want to hear about the countless Law & Order, CSI and House reruns I've seen in the past 6 days, or the dozen or so movies I've watched, including: Pirates of the Caribbean III, Angelica, La Vie en Rose (the one about Edith Piaf), Bonfire of the Vanities, Sicko, Superbad, Disturbia, Se7en, House season 3 discs 3 and 4...

I will have more to talk about this weekend when I will be meeting Nitsirk, Mindy, and now IronMatron at the Mid-Winter Classic. The best part? The forecast says the temperatures will be above freezing! Maybe my itchy lungs will even be better by then! Mindy, since you know the venue, can you suggest a suitable meeting place?

Prizes are going to be delayed

Congratulations to Bob Almighty, who was the lucky contributor who put me over the $500 mark to in the ride to end AIDS (to donate, click here). As a prize, I will be running my next race in a t-shirt that says "Bob rocks!" on the front (Bob, you'll have to let me know if you prefer Bob, Bob-o, Rob or something else), and on the back I will put his blogger url. In Bob's case, I will also be putting the url to his ALS fund raising page. I bet you never had a running billboard for your blog! I will, of course, post photos of me in said t-shirt at the race.

However, since Fruit of the Loom white tees come in packs of three, I will also award prizes for the runners up: wariorwomen and CVsurf. Now that I know your real names, please let me know if you would like your real first name or a nickname on the front of a t-shirt (keep in mind these photos will be posted on the internet). There is also another name on there that I don't recognize. This person may be a blogger, or a friend of a friend, but whoever they are, they made a very generous contribution and I would like to thank them. If your name rhymes with Biz Locks, will you please e-mail me at speedyspeedracer@gmail.com to claim your prize?

Along with the good news, comes some bad news. I'm sick. I have the fluuuuuuuuuuuuuu (said in whiny voice). Fever, coughing, stuffy nose, body aches, headache... I sound like a commercial for Theraflu. I did everything right: I took it super easy this week, cutting my workouts in half and trying to keep my heartrate down. I slept for 10 hours every night, I ate right, I megadosed on vitamin C and zinc... But alas, I woke up on Friday dizzy, aching all over, and with a fever of well over 100* (me, whose normal body temperature is under 97*). So despite my best efforts, I will NOT be able to do the Derry 16 miler this weekend. Gadfly Thom will be very disappointed, as will 'arry and the Rhode Island crew who were expecting to see me there. But no one will be as disappointed as I am. I've been looking forward to this race for months, and all the horror stories I heard about it only piqued my curiosity more. Now I will have to wait for another year to see what all the hype is about. Boo hoo!

I have $495...

As of this morning I've raised $495 for the San Francisco AIDS foundation (thanks to a very, very generous donation from Angry - a more formal thanks is forthcoming). My goal before the end of the day is to have over $500. To help me reach this goal, please visit aidslifecycle.org/2275 and make a donation of $5 or more. The person who puts me over $500 will get a very special prize.

To warm you up, here are some facts about HIV/AIDS and the San Francisco AIDS foundation:
* AIDS has killed over 22 million people worldwide, and is responsible for over 415,000 of those deaths in the United States alone.
* There are roughly 151,000 people living with HIV or AIDS in California alone, 18,679 of whom live in the San Francisco area. 18 thousand people is nearly the entire population of town where I live right now.
* "Since the advent of highly active antiretroviral therapy, or HAART, many HIV positive people now live longer with HIV and have a better quality of life and health. New drugs and new formulations continue to simplify anti-HIV therapy, allowing many HIV positive people to take only a few pills a day." (SFAF web site)
* "While insurance plans and AIDS Drug Assistance Programs (ADAPs) are available to pay for treatment for many people with HIV in the U.S., ADAPs are under increasing financial strain, and--despite the development of generic versions of anti-HIV drugs--treatment remains out of reach for some 90% of people with HIV/AIDS worldwide." (SFAF web site) This is where your donations come in.
* Every year the San Francisco AIDS foundation provides hundreds of new cases with treatment by connecting clients "to a network of care delivery--including primary care physicians, access to medications, substance use programs, mental health support, financial benefits counseling and other supportive services--to help them negotiate the complex set of issues related to HIV and improve their health" (SFAF web site), not only through the SF AIDS Foundation, but also their sister organizations, UCSF AIDS Health Project ( http://www.ucsf-ahp.org), and Shanti Project ( http://www.shanti.org).
* The San Francisco AIDS foundation provides several support groups including those aimed at specific cultural and ethnic groups such as African Americans and Latinos, and provides counseling, education, and clean syringes to intervenes drug users, to not only prevent the spread of HIV, but also help individuals recover from addiction.

So remember, be the first to donate $5 or more, and you will receive a VERY SPECIAL prize, which I will announce just as soon as I have a winner.

IT'S DONE!

For various reasons I have been under pressure to sign up for a number of races in the next couple of weeks. In addition to that, my contract is up at the end of February, and who knows when I'll be gainfully employed again. In past years I have been sidetracked from "going all the way" for financial or personal reasons. I feel like this is the year that I'm finally going to "pop my (ironman) cherry", but I don't want to "blow my (cash) wad" too soon. Not this year. So I did what any reckless spender would do: when I realized that money may get tight, I made sure I blew it as fast as I could on the big stuff. But, the important thing is that I'm in. I am now officially signed up for my first iron distance race! I am GOING to do Vineman on August 2nd. But don't go thinking I'm "saving myself" or anything. I've never been one for training monogamy, and my dance card is already quite full of races that I plan to do this season. But let's not get ahead of ourselves. The following is a post I had already begun compiling before I sat down on a whim and threw down $295 for what will probably be the second most painful day of my life. (To find out what number one was, you will have to keep reading). So here is a post I was going to call:

Peer Pressure is a Powerful Persuader

My mom loves to talk, a lot. We send her to the supermarket for milk and lose her for 4 hours because she's talking to everyone. And because she's my mom, she LOVES to talk about me... to everyone, absolutely everyone. She'll tell someone about the last thing I did with Angry or Bob in Connecticut and they'll will say, "Oh, how did she meet them?" When mom says, "The internet," people give her all these weird looks. Aren't you worried? Why do you let her do that? Everyone knows that the only people you meet on the internet are murderers, creaps, and perverts.

But it looks like more and more of us bloggers out there are daring to meet those "creeps and perverts" in person that they meet over the internet. Angry met Leana a few weeks ago in Disney World, and has started talking to Rocketpants regularly on the phone. I'll be meeting Mindy and Nitsirk for the first time in a couple of weeks up in Maine. I've also had the privilege of hanging out with Cranky. And who knows what other juicy gossip has been going on behind my back.

I've gotten a little bit carried away lately, adding race after race to my calendar. I'll be running Boston with Cranky (well not WITH, more like "way behind") even though I have no right to since I'm not qualified, or signed up. I have also already signed up to do the Goofy Challenge next year in Disney with Angry and perhaps Leana, Rocketpants, Bob, Mindy and others. And, since I'm really too competitive for my own good, there's talk of a little wager between Angry and me: whoever has the slowest cumulative time over the course of the weekend will have to dress up in a full Tinkerbell costume (sparkley make-up and all) and get in line for Splash Mountain at the time when lines are at their peak (hence a longer wait in public dressed as Tinkerbell) and then post the picture that they sell you of your face at the top of the big drop.

I love to race. Really. I'm such a t-shirt whore, I'd do anything for a t-shirt and a goody bag filled with pamphlets and sample packs I'll never use. I don't "race" in the competitive sense of the word. When you're as slow as me, that's just silly. I go out there to have the roads closed for me and people feeding me for free as I work out in a new place. I race to have something to write about every Sunday afternoon. Races are my perpetual carrot on a stick that keep me honest during the week. And, of course, I race for the t-shirt. Burnout? Me? Impossible.

If you would like to join me at any of these races (or you just want to write and say hi), you can always email me at speedyspeedracer@gmail.com.

So here is a more complete list of previews of coming attractions for 2008:

Derry 16 miler on Jan 26. I've told you about this one. I've heard that it is painful because they cram 3 huge hills from mile 9 on. The main goal of this race will be not to spend the whole time with Thom.
Midwinter Classic on Feb 2. I've told you about this one too. I'll finally get to meet Nitsirk and Mindy. They're looking for volunteers, by the way, so if you want to stand in outside in Maine for 2 hours early in the morning in February and hand out drinks, let 'em know. You probably won't get wet either, since the weather promises to be cold enough to turn Gatorade to slush.
Martha's Vineyard 20 mi on Feb 16. I picked this one solely for the post that I could write about it. You'll just have to wait and see.
Hyannis Half Marathon on Feb 24. I've already told you about this one. High Anus, hehe. I'll be seeing Mindy here too.
Stu's 30k on March 2. I've already told you about this one too. You know as much as I do.
Eastern States 20 mi on March 30. This is the one that goes over 3 states in 20 miles. I'll be meeting up with Mindy again here. I really hope she's cool, I'll be seeing her 3 times in 2 months.
Boston Marathon on April 21. I'm not qualified, and won't until the qualifying times come down to me in about 20 years, but since the marathon is right in my own back yard, I believe that it is my god-given right to run it as a bandit. So I will. Cranky will be there, he earned his slot the honest way (and in that dreadful Chicago race, no less), and I'm sure a good time will be had by all.
Urban Dare on April 26. I am SO excited about this one. Basically what it is, is a giant scavenger hunt around Boston. The use of cell phones and GPS devices is encouraged. I am desperately seeking a partner for this, and if you don't know Boston, who cares? Neither do I. It'll make a better story that way.
Some Duathlon or triathon in Hopkinton, MA on May 4. Can you tell I'm not too thrilled about this one? It feels like in multisport sprint events you spend more time setting up your transition area than you spend racing. But, you gotta get some practice in there somewhere I guess. Blah. Where IS Hopkinton, anyway?
Spring Century on May 18. This is more like a big group ride than an actual event, but it'll be my first official century, ever (that happens when you live in a place that doesn't measure things in miles).
Lifecycle on June 1-7. 545 miles from San Francisco to LA to benefit the San Francisco AIDS foundation. Please, please make a donation at www.aidslifecycle.org/2275
Mt Washington Road Race on June 21 is a 7.6 mile race up the tallest peak in the White Mountains, with more than 5,000 feet elevation gain. Registration is 100% lottery, so it's possible I won't be able to participate. We'll see. But if I do, you can bet that I won't take the t-shirt off for at least a week.
Cranmore on June 22. This is a 5.2 mile course where you run up a local ski mountain TWICE.
Patriot Half on June 29. This promises to be great fun because not only will such superstars as ironBob and perhaps Angry be there, but Cranky will be making his triathlon debut.
Lune Mountain Run on July 6. A hilly 10k with 2887 feet of elevation gain, and only half as much back down.
Peaks to Portland on July 12. Based on Nitsirk's recommendation this is a 2.4 mile swim. It remains to be decided whether I will wear a wetsuit or not. I would have to buy one first, though.
Climb to the Clouds Century on July 20. Just a local club's century ride that goes up Mt. Wachusett, MA's half-assed attempt at a mountain.
Vineman on August 2. Yippee!
Mt. Washington Century on August 16. A century ride finishing with the 7.6 mile 5,000 foot climb up the tallest Mountain in New England at the end. I know that this is a silly idea just 2 weeks after an ironman, but I can't help myself. I can always drop out later, but can you IMAGINE the clout I would get wearing the jersey?
Wicked Half Marathon on September 27. I can't seem to find the page for this one anywhere, which is worrisome. (In the past) it is (was) a half marathon in Salem, which I thought was dreadfully clever for the double entendre of Salem's connection with witches and Boston's tendency to use the adverb "wicked" like it's going out of style (or I should say like it never did go out of style). Leana
Stonecat 50 mile trail run on November 9. Although if my training isn't on par for a 50 by November, I'll just downgrade it to the marathon-distance race on the same day. I HAVE done one 50 mile event (more of a hike with an elevation profile I have never seen the likes of even as a joke). I finished, but should have wound up in the hospital. I had to take a nap to gather the energy to walk across a parking lot about the size of a small school cafeteria.

And, of course there's Disney. Angry will be there, as well as POSSIBLY Leana, Rocketpants, Iron Bob, Mindy, Cranky (although he doesn't know that he's in our crosshairs yet), and... YOU!

Note: Sorry the links are missing to other bloggers' pages. They can be found on my sidebar. I just couldn't be bothered to go through and do another 20 links again. Call me lazy.