Where I work (at a development house which helps major publishers create children's text books) probably 70% of the staff is on a term of project contract. This means you work there for a couple of months, and then when the work runs out, you leave. And if you're not a complete turkey (like the girl who comes to work blazed every day, or the guy who moved files to the "done" folder without ever even opening them, the lady who drinks water out of cups with petrified oatmeal still stuck to the sides, or the woman who horded half-drunk Coke cans in her office), then you may be invited back when there's work again. So there's a lot of turnover, and there are a lot of new people every few months.
I love my job, and I like where I work. I like the people I work with. In October, when I was called back to work here, there was a whole crop of new people in to work on a new project. Something else was new too, we had a "sprinkler." Someone was peeing on the toilet seat and leaving it there! Girls, you know exactly what I'm talking about: Someone doesn't want to put her royal ass on the seat, so she hovers a few inches over it and the pee splashes all over the seat. We all know the cutesy little rhyme:
If you sprinkle when you tinkle,
Please be neat and wipe the seat.
The Watering Can clearly doesn't know this rhyme, because she is a serial sprinkler. I have heard other employees complaining about the sprinkling problem and having to clean it up. I have found dried urine drops on the seat early in the morning, left over from the day before. And yes, sometimes I have forgotten to check, and on several occasions I've sat in it!
But what do you do? They're full bathrooms, not stalls, so the users have more privacy. They're segregated, so it's not a guy with bad aim who's to blame. I complained to the office manager, and he sent out a vague email about "the state of the bathrooms and kitchen." But the problem persisted. If you can train a cat to use the toilet, why can't a young woman in her 20's learn the proper usage of this fixture?
I became hellbent on vigilante justice. I wanted to know who The Watering Can was, and I wanted her to pay! I knew it couldn't be anyone who had worked there before, because last year when I worked there for 9 months, it was never a problem. It couldn't have been anyone who started long after I came back, because it has been a consistent problem since my return in October. No one in management or in my department fit the profile. This left a few people in Production, and a few English editors. I had my eye on one in particular. I had seen her coming out of the bathroom once using a paper towel on the door handle so that she wouldn't have to touch it. If you won't touch the door handle, you aren't going to sit on the seat either! I thought. It's you, you filthy pig!
But I couldn't prove it. Until this week! I was headed in to the bathroom on Wednesday, and just as I was going to walk into Bathroom Number 2, Bathroom Number 1's door opened and SHE waltzed out with a big, gummy smile on her face. There was no one in line and no one walking by, so I stuck my head in Bathroom Number 1 to inspect the seat. It was COVERED in pee sprinkles! I'd caught her red-handed. Or red-butted. Or red-urethra-ed...
But now, what do I do with this information? Anything too outrageous is sure to come back and bite me in the ass. I have considered the following options:
Please be neat and wipe the seat.
The Watering Can clearly doesn't know this rhyme, because she is a serial sprinkler. I have heard other employees complaining about the sprinkling problem and having to clean it up. I have found dried urine drops on the seat early in the morning, left over from the day before. And yes, sometimes I have forgotten to check, and on several occasions I've sat in it!But what do you do? They're full bathrooms, not stalls, so the users have more privacy. They're segregated, so it's not a guy with bad aim who's to blame. I complained to the office manager, and he sent out a vague email about "the state of the bathrooms and kitchen." But the problem persisted. If you can train a cat to use the toilet, why can't a young woman in her 20's learn the proper usage of this fixture?
I became hellbent on vigilante justice. I wanted to know who The Watering Can was, and I wanted her to pay! I knew it couldn't be anyone who had worked there before, because last year when I worked there for 9 months, it was never a problem. It couldn't have been anyone who started long after I came back, because it has been a consistent problem since my return in October. No one in management or in my department fit the profile. This left a few people in Production, and a few English editors. I had my eye on one in particular. I had seen her coming out of the bathroom once using a paper towel on the door handle so that she wouldn't have to touch it. If you won't touch the door handle, you aren't going to sit on the seat either! I thought. It's you, you filthy pig!But I couldn't prove it. Until this week! I was headed in to the bathroom on Wednesday, and just as I was going to walk into Bathroom Number 2, Bathroom Number 1's door opened and SHE waltzed out with a big, gummy smile on her face. There was no one in line and no one walking by, so I stuck my head in Bathroom Number 1 to inspect the seat. It was COVERED in pee sprinkles! I'd caught her red-handed. Or red-butted. Or red-urethra-ed...
But now, what do I do with this information? Anything too outrageous is sure to come back and bite me in the ass. I have considered the following options:- Do nothing. Her project is nearly over, and her contract is ripe to expire in the next couple of weeks. But then she gets away with it! How can you be so pure and chaste that you won't even touch a germy door handle, and yet you leave your urine for other people to clean up... or sit in?!
- Leave an annonymous post-it on her monitor that says, "I KNOW YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S BEEN PEEING ON THE SEAT. PLEASE STOP, OR I WILL NOTIFY THE WHOLE OFFICE THAT IT IS YOU!"
- Notify the whole office that it's her with no warning.
- Buy toilet seat covers and leave an annonymous and only slightly rude note that says, "IF YOU DON'T WANT TO SIT ON THE SEAT, PLEASE USE A SEAT COVER SO THE REST OF US DON'T SIT IN YOUR URINE."
- Poop on her chair.
16 comments:
omg claire, only you could write an entire post about something like urine on a toilet seat.
ok, so i like #4. but i also think you should print out a copy of that "if you sprinkle when you tinkle....." and put it in the bathroom somewhere she can see it.
AND last but not least, since you know she's a germaphobe, wipe something gross on her mouse, chair, something she'll have to make contact with. lol lol.
Wow!!! I vote for #4, and like Judi said, post the "be a sweetie" sign in the bathroom. Unbelievable...
I vote #5 because I like extreme! Hehe! Really, I guess #4 works, but #5 would be funnier!!
We have two gross bathroom issues going on at my job site.
#1 - Someone is not only peeing all over the seat, but also peeing on the FLOOR (little puddles). So you go to drop your pants and the leg of the pants gets wet if you don't site the sprinkles first. Eeewwwww! Our restrooms are shared by male and female so, I suspect this is a male.
The next problem we have is definitely a female...
#2 - on more than one occasion, my co-workers have gone into one of the bathrooms and found adhered to the railing near the toilet...DA, DA, DA!!!!...a USED maxi-pad!!!! Yes, you have read it correctly. Oh yes, the little metal box that is there just for that purpose is right below said railing, but someone would rather hang it there and I guess they forget about it!! UGH! Makes you wonder what these peoples house looks like!!
Top that people! :)
When I used to work at a gym, we used to get what maintenance called "Tequila sunrises" in the soap dispenser. Someone would go into the showers, and deposit their tampon right in the soap dispenser. Obviously, we had to throw out all the soap. How's that for gross?
i think i am going to puke reading these comments!
my friend sandi takes pix of things that gross her out - so in the bathroom at the y, there was a used maxi pad just laying in the dressing room on a bench! i took a pic of it and emailed it to sandi.
next time your co worker finds some gross shit like should take a pic, and email it around the company from a anon email address.
I just wrote a long response and Blogger ate it - so the short version is - DAILY annonymous notes combining the sentiments of #2 and #4 until the seat pisser ceases. She cannot get away with this!!
I was going to go with number 6 but that would end with an R. Kelly-esque lawsuit.
I'm agreeing with Judi with the whole put up the "tinkle sprinkle" poem.
I she continues to do it I would probably water her seat.
When I was in grad school we had a woman who would lift the seat and stand on the rim and crouch to pee. This cause a lot of splashing and it would even get on the floor. Absolutely disgusting. She was from China so I am hoping this was just a cultural issue but it drove everyone nuts. Many notes were left but none were effective. Luckily I graduated and left. Good luck.
Ugh, I still can't believe we have a 'sprinkler' in our office!
I think you should buy the toilet seat covers, but instead of putting them in the bathroom you should place one on her chair every morning before she gets into work. Just keep placing the toilet seat covers on her chair until the day her contract ends, whether or not she 'fixes' the problem. She's earned a bit of humiliation.
Most likely, if she comes in every morning to see a toilet seat covering her chair, she'll start crying.
Nitsirk,
I am sure the lady you speak of has fallen in on occasion!! You think? Haha!
Call her out by name on that post-it:
"Hey, (name here), stop pissing on the fucking toilet seat. Bitch."
Or assemble a crew and jump her after work one day.
Wow...I don't know what you do. Maybe go for the poem? We have toilets that flush rather voraciously, so I always wipe first no matter what, so honestly I've never really thought about this problem before. The advantage with that is you never get stuck in a stall with no paper either.
Our bigger problem is the people who really stink up the bathroom and then pretend that they've never seen the can of air freshener before.
Wow...I'm so glad I told the whole internet all about this...
I'm with Angry Runner. This is just gross. I am so glad that my office only has 2 ladies.
I think #2 with a little softer wording.
If she's hovering and sprinkling, she doesn't need the seat right? So I wonder why she doesn't lift the seat out of the way and then put the seat back down when she's done? Wait, maybe she has a penis and stands facing the bowl like us guys do. If that's the case, she's/he's probably still learning aim and control.
Posting the "tinkle" poem in two places might help. One on the stall door and one on the back wall above the toilet.
#4 and be sure to expense it to the company :)
i had one of those at work and we made a very pretty little sign, lamenated it and hung it right above the toilet...
"if you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie and wipe the seaty"
she of course tore it down and continued her spiteful waterfall, but then we fired here so in the end it worked out...
:)
I like #2 and #4, but Angry's wording is the best. The tequillia sunrise is revolting. Ugh!
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