Burnt-out, untrained marathon runner seeks selfless, talented runner to pace through the last 6-13 miles of a marathon at 8:20 min/mile pace or better. Must be upbeat, patient, thick-skinned, and willing to deal with verbal abuse for an hour or more. Access to performance-enhancing drugs a plus. Attractive young women preferred, but heavy, ugly, or male candidates may apply if they meet above specifications. Must live in or around Massachusetts, since engagement is on Cape Cod and subject cannot afford to pay for travel or lodging. Successful candidates will be compensated with breakfast, coffee, lunch, and undying gratitude. Engagement is 1-day only, February 22 in Hyannis, MA. Interested parties, please e-mail speedyspeedracer@gmail.com.
13 comments:
Hey, it's to bad that I won't be around to apply for this fabulous opportunity. You probably wouldn't have approved me anyways due to my age.
Sounds like me....let me see how the leg holds up this week and I'll let you know...
one thing are they cool with bandits jumping in a 13 miles to go?
Hey girl, I would love to run with you but I will be away on vacation. "Soy muy fea y vieja" You would not approved of me.
With the exception of being a talented runner and living there, I may fit the bill. :) Can you hire me anyway??!!
Don't know about the talented part, but if I were around that weekend, I'd definitely be up for it!
I meet all requirements except for two. Guess which ones ;-)
I'm too old for the position and I don't have access to performance-enhancing drugs. Crap, I guess that means that I am out of the running.
I'm pretty sure "untrained" is not an appropriate adjective for you.
Aside from being able to hold the pace, I don't really meet any of the qualifications. Oh well.
Anyway, you can do this on your own. There will be tons of runners out there to run with. Will they have pace groups? Just stick with your 3:40 pacer!
Gretchen,
Nope, "untrained" seems like the right word to me. I have run exactly 9 times, or 61 miles in the past month and 3 days since Disney. Most of those runs have been under 5 miles, easy. I'm not in good running shape anymore.
On top of that, you're wrong about the pacers too... and the "tons of runners". Last year there were fewer than 400 marathon finishers at this race. And there are no pacers. It's a 2-loop course, so after the 2,000 half marathon runners leave on the first lap, it'll be pretty lonely out there. Hence the need for a pacer. I'm thinking of only doing the half or dropping out altogether. That sounds like a lonely, lonely day to suffer through running a hard marathon otherwise. And I'm pretty sure I can't keep pace on my own.
ummmmm last I checked in you were not doing Hyannis!!!! What is going on!
god bless the person that gets this assignment...LOL!!!
not it.
Good luck and don't puke.
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